My imaginary book – which I’m never going to write by the way – has the subtitle “Want to run a B&B? Marry a plumber!”
Disclaimer: I’m not married to a plumber! – single plumbers are in short supply – and, besides, I already have a very nice husband. He works for BA, and pre-lockdown, worked away all week.
But luckily for me, Rob loves all DIY, except plumbing. He is very proficient at it – he completely gutted and re-did our bathroom – but it’s guaranteed to result in him using words that I personally reserve for when I drop breakfast on the floor.
I’d need a 4 page spread to cover all of the plumbing disasters at my B&B. But my favourite may have been the time when the mechanism in the toilet cistern broke.
Rob drove round every plumber’s merchant in Shropshire to be told that that model was no longer made , just 18 months after installation.
I could do nothing but apologise to the arriving guests, explain the toilet wasn’t working, hand them a bucket and offer them a hefty discount.
The look of horror on the guest’s face! I quickly clarified that the bucket was to flush the toilet with, not to use as a modern day chamber pot.
If you’re setting up a B&B, my advice would be – buy as many buckets as you can and find yourself a nice plumber. Or if they’re already married, get an obliging one on speed dial and keep them very sweet!